Friday, August 5, 2011

MORE FUN WITH SPAMMERS

FROM SPAMMER:

hello,
i wanna order chaffing dish you can find the information the below
Specia note: kindly be inform that my financial institution policy as inform us to make payment strictly with my Credit Card Details,Paypal and any form of wire transfer is prohibited here.let me have your best price cost i am inquiring from other store and i will later buy from the best price i can find
Roll Top Chaffing Dish...............5 Pieces
Glass Top Chaffing Dish............5 Pieces

calculate the shipping prices via cargo

This is the shipping and the billing address:

NAME:Mrs lanre smith
Address:30 bamgbose street
City:Lagos island
Province:lagos
Country:Republic Of Nigeria
Postal Code:00229
phone:+234018280406
reply email:tunde_glover@yahoo.com
larrycobbler2000@yahoo.com

i will be looking forward to hear from you

stay

MY REPLY:


Heartiest felicitations, Ianre!

I can help you out with that chaffing dish---but first, may I offer you a "Wheating Dish," which most of our customers seem to prefer? If you've got your heart set on the chaffing dish, sure, no problem, I can get you that.

Now I take it you'd prefer our best chaffing dish, The Excelsior? This is a very fine chaffing dish indeed! We're talking solid-gold inlay, handles carved from whalebone (of an extinct breed of whale, the balloon---ancient cousin of the baleen---which were exceptionally white and almost buoyant whales, with a knotlike growth on their tails) and of course the finest diamond encrustation.

... I must warn you though that these trays are coated with the venom of the terrible and menacing Whip-viper of eastern Sumatra, so anyone that you serve food to off of these will die in horrible writhing paroxyms! Why, you ask? Well, the Excelsior's designer was, sadly, a critically insane sociopath who happened to be the boss's son-in-law. Still, a lovely, lovely chaffing dish.

If you're looking for something more economical, may I suggest The Hobo? This chaffing dish is actually just an old garbage can lid. But in an effort to employ indiginous workers, each Hobo is hand-crafted and tested by ... real hobos! That's why our tagline is: "The Hobo: made by Hobos, tested by Hobos, fit for a King!" Of course, we mean King of the Hobos, but still, for three bucks what can you reasonably expect?

These do come in a glass-topped model, in fact. So your order, with cargo shipping, would come to roughly $200.

Please let me know what you'd like. We can try to beat any competitor's offer.

Yours sincerely,
Craig's Chaffing Dish Emporium

FROM SPAMMER:

thanks. kindly be inform that i will prefer the hobo ok let me have the quote.

MY REPLY:


The Hobo, is it? I like the cut of your jib, Ianre! Be assured that the slobs, wastrels, and all the other disreputable scummers that you no doubt acquaint yourself with will be elated to eat off the humble Hobo.

Now, if I may sweeten the deal ... to be frank, we have too many hobos in our warehouse. I don't mean The Hobo, our economy-level chaffing dish---I mean actual hobos. They are a pox on this outfit, Ianre, I am sad to report. Initially we needed the around to manufacture and test our chaffing dishes, but as we've since moved on the the manufacture of whicker birdcages and our bestselling books: "The Layman's Guide to Witch Hunting" and "Cobbling Shoes for Fun and Profit," well, we have much less need for these damned hobos.

And yet they keep showing up! They're like pigeons, Ianre. Feed them once and they're yours forever, whether you want them or not. Every morning they skulk out of the bushes with their bindles slung over their backs. Next you know the parking lot is full of oil-barrel fires and the sound of harmonicas, the air stinking of baked beans. Oh, it really is a blight on our pleasant factory.

So we our now offering, as a limited-time offer and only to our most valued customers, the "Hungry Hungry Hobos" package.

We will send you 5 ... that's right, 5 ... Hobo chaffing dishes, plus 5 glass-topped chaffing dishes ... a total of 10 .. 10!!! ... chaffing dishes ...

But wait! There's more!

We will also send you the HOBOS who MADE those very chaffing dishes. You will be able to see their
exquisite craftsmanship skills first-hand, as well as be privvy to tales or hobo wisdom, such as "How to Hop the 5:30 to Tupelo Without the Railyard Gumshoe Shanghai-ing You" and "Poisonous Mushrooms, Edible Mushrooms: A Tutorial."

Needless to say, this is a priceless opportunity! Your hobos will be safely delivered to you in hypoallergenic bubble wrap; their shipping crates will have holes punched in it to ensure their safe transport. You can select from a wide variety of hobos; some of those currently occupying our parking lot are:

Bootblack Bill, Tarnose Mumphry, The Admiral, Tugboat Simms, Soupy Flynn, The Roaring Jackass, Philpott Sam, Tomcat Sullivan, The Oracle, Madame Sousatska, Tippy Mulligan, Beef Stew, Zombie Barbaro, and Hellcat Hettie.

To answer your question as to a quote: your total is $200, with cargo shipping applied.

Please feel free to pay by whichever means is most comfortable to you.

Yours most sincerely, and in deep appreciation of your business,
Craig's Chaffing Dish Emporium

FROM SPAMMER:

you fuck

MY REPLY:

I think you mean, "fuck you." Ianre, you boor! Your business is no longer welcome!

All best, Craig.

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