Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Hullaballoo Regarding a Fellow Awards Nominee ...

Hi All,

Well, I woke up this morning to see quite a firestorm raging away on Facebook, Twitter, and elsewhere. I wasn't on the computer much at all yesterday, and with the time difference it meant I missed the exploding heart of the controversy and woke up today to sort through the shrapnel.

For those who aren't aware:

DAVID GILMOUR INTERVIEW

The question that some have asked in light of this is—will it dampen his chances at the Giller prize this year? Certainly there is an argument that a person's personal beliefs and fixations shouldn't be held against the work under contention ... but, people being people, jurors being jurors, awards bodies being awards bodies, there may be some blowback from this.

With that said, here are a few newspaper headlines I'd be interested to see over the next few weeks.

[hed] AUTHOR LISA MOORE BURNS DOWN ORPHANAGE DURING METH-FUELED FIREBUG SPREE
[dek] Noted writer discovered at site of fire, wild-eyed and frantic, screaming: "I hate orphans, always have and always will!"

Or how about:

[hed] DENNIS BOCK TO NELSON MANDELA: YOU'RE A BLOATED FRAUD AND GASBAG!
[dek] Award-winning writer flies to South Africa on own dime, barges into to living saint Mandela's bedroom, screams in his face.

Or maybe:

[hed] BUSTED! DWARF SEX-SLAVE RING OPERATING OUT OF BASEMENT OF GILLER-NOMINATED WRITER'S ISOLATED HOME
[dek] Baker's dozen of shivering, leather-clad little people rescued from basement of respected writer Michael Winter's bucolic Newfoundland homestead.

How about some breathless tabloid-style headlines?

[hed] BOYDEN'S GONE BONKERS! SCALLYWAG SCRIBE SEZ: HITLER HAD A FEW IDEAS I COULD REALLY GET BEHIND!

or:

[hed] JOHNSTON'S JOHNSON RUNS AMOK! PRIAPIC PEN-MAN PURSUES A PLENTITUDE OF POLYAMOROUS PARTNERS—UNBEKNOWNST TO HIS WIFE!

or:

[hed] WAVY GRADY! RESPECTED WRITER AND TRANSLATOR, HIGH ON BATH SALTS, ATTEMPTS TO DIG UP JERRY GARCIA'S CORPSE!

... anyway, you get the point. I'm just trying to improve my odds here, people! Surely you understand. So please, fellow nominees, do me a favor and be on your absolute worst behavior over the following weeks and days. You'd be totally doing me a solid and I'd not soon forget it.

All best, Craig.

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